In the Company of Women

by Beverly Dalton

IN THE COMPANY OF WOMEN
by Beverly Dalton

I grew up around women all my life. My mom was widowed early so she raised me and my ate herself. It was through my mother that I came to realize the strength of what a woman can do without a man by her side. I also went to an all-girls school and I saw, as a young girl, the power of my own femininity and how I can lift other girls up and how, with just a word, girls can tear each other apart. In my 20s and 30s, I moved on to work in companies that were more female-centric. It was also through this corporate experience that I discovered the challenges of what it meant to be a single working woman.

Somewhere along those years, through another female friend, I was introduced to Regnum Christi. It was here where I experienced and enjoyed the beauty of true female friendships.

I was introduced to Regnum Christi. It was here where I experienced and enjoyed the beauty of true female friendships.

I virtually sit with my good friends from the movement Patricia Pastrana-Mabanta, Pam Alquisada, and Pat Gonzalez, three of whom founded a female bond like no other, to talk about life, friendship, and apostolate.

There is something about the women here. They glowed with the joy of Christ, even amid the sorrows of life.

After the chat, as I write this, I recall a thought in my early days with Regnum Christi. There is something about the women here. They glowed with the joy of Christ, even amid the sorrows of life. That for me is the woman I so long to be, one who admits she can’t do everything and yet stands strong through the tempests of life with Christ beside her.

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I want to start with introductions, especially for those reading this.

Patricia: I’m a proud wife and new mama to our almost 6-month old baby girl, Marianna. Though a dermatologist by profession, I’m currently working with my parents in our family business.

Pam: I’m a lawyer but currently working as an investment banker. On the side though, I enjoy pop culture, coffee, and good stories. I also admire people who can wake up without snoozing the alarm.

Pat: I had a life changing conversion when I was 20 and the Regnum Christi movement and community played a big part in that. I’m currently married with 3 little girls and I have a baby boy on the way, due in mid April. I was once told it was highly unlikely I could conceive, so each one of my children is a miracle! I’ve recently discovered the joys of homeschooling, and I have a small clothing and swimwear business which I lead with my business partner Margaux Alampay. My days are full but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I know the three of you have been friends for quite some time now. How long has it been? And how did you three meet?

Patricia: It’s been over 10 years! We met in Pure Fashion and we were in the same Encounter team. We are part of a big Regnum Christi barkada.

Pam: I was not directly involved with Pure Fashion but I remember helping out occasionally. Our friendship has just grown organically over the years. It has gotten deeper in recent years, too -- mostly providential.

Pat: I met Pam at one of my first missions in Rizal in 2007. I recognized her as an alumnus of the Assumption. I found all of her stories about the saints and our faith so interesting. Patricia and I were batchmates in Ateneo. We grew in friendship… and fondness… through Pure Fashion. We discovered we have a lot more in common than we realized.

What would you say is the most important thing that makes your friendship work?

We love talking about books and podcasts, and the spiritual lights we get.

Pat: I enjoy their company so much because I’m never afraid to be myself. They don’t make fun of me for my intensity or my passion. In fact, they share in it. We love talking about books and podcasts, and the spiritual lights we get. I also love how action-oriented they are and how much they value personal and spiritual growth. They are the kinds of friends who I know are running the same race… working towards the same goals.

Patricia: Falling in love with God constantly and sharing with each other the aw, the trails, and the joys that His love gives.

Pam: I think we value the same things and we accommodate each other. At least for me, I know they give me a lot of leeway to be imperfect and to falter. I know at the end of the day they have my best interests at heart. There's also a lot of honesty and vulnerability. I think we just let each other be, to be honest. Hahaha!

What trait do you admire most about each other?

I admire how firm they are in what they believe and how unapologetic they are about their faith.

Patricia: I admire both their brilliance and authenticity. They’re strong-willed women. They’re not afraid to be vulnerable and be very honest about their lives.

Pam: Both of them are younger than me. But in many ways, I find them more mature than me. I admire how firm they are in what they believe and how unapologetic they are about their faith. It also amazes me how they can do so many things at the same time while still being moms to young girls. Their daughters really have such good models.

Pat: Pam and Patricia are super career girls. Pam is a lawyer and Patricia is a doctor. I never saw myself pursuing any of those professions but I really admire the grit and grace that go into all the work behind it. They are still able to put time and intentionality into their families and their faith.

What do you think though is the characteristic in friendship that makes this kind of relationship among women special?

Sensitivity to the needs of others and generosity.

Pat: For me it is about making our friendship one that blesses others too. We don’t just enjoy each other’s company. The good that comes out of our friendship spills over to others. I am so, so, so grateful for it.

Pam: Just being there for each other, I guess, and allowing friends to be who they are both in moments of light and darkness.

Patricia: Sensitivity to the needs of others and generosity. Pam and Pat both check in on me regularly. They offer help whenever they can and they know exactly what to say and what I need to hear. We also work very well together.

Let’s talk about your apostolate Project Reyna. What is it all about and how did this come to fruition?

[Project Reyna is] a faith-based development program for young women, especially women who were victims of abuse and trafficking.

Patricia: It’s a faith-based development program for young women, especially women who were victims of abuse and trafficking. Its mission is to remind young women where—rather with whom—their dignity lies and, ultimately, how much they are loved. Project Reyna came about because we were compelled to act when the issues of the abuse scandals of the Church came out.

Pam: It was providential! We were the only ones who showed up during one Encounter meeting! Hahaha! For me, the ultimate goal of Project Reyna is that we just want girls to know that they are loved and that this Love is what gives them their value, not the world. And then, from this Love, we hope they can work towards becoming who they were created to be. While we do feel that this message is something we really want to share to girls who've suffered abuse, I think it's a message that resonates with every woman, whatever the stories may be.

Pat: Providence!

Let's be honest! The three of you are all super busy women. How do you make time for each other and Project Reyna?

Patricia: God’s grace! Hahaha!

Pam: Grace and prayer.

Pat: Grace! And making each other salo when needed.

So what's next for Project Reyna?

Pam: We’re still praying about it. We’re slowly beginning to prepare. It's a bit tricky to maneuver given the current situation but the goal remains to be the same.

I’m really curious! What’s your take on women judging other women?

When [Jesus] admonishes us from judging others, it's also because he knows that judging others will lead us to judging ourselves.

Pat: I think it is completely unnecessary and damaging… but we are all guilty of it.

Patricia: I personally think it’s a bad habit that women have rooted on pride. It is often brought about by comparison and personal insecurities. Having been a mother recently though, I realized how strong all women are and that everyone is going through something—battles we don’t know—so we have to be more intentional about tempering any judgments.

Pam: It serves no purpose. I think when women judge other women, or just others really, they hold them to a certain standard which becomes, whether we're aware of it or not, the standard we apply to ourselves. And when in our quiet moments we see how we don't live up to this standard, we shame and beat ourselves up for it. It's a cycle that benefits no one and a mind game we have a hard time escaping. I guess that's why Jesus said do not judge so that you may not be judged. What I've realized recently is that when he admonishes us from judging others, it's also because he knows that judging others will lead us to judging ourselves.

On the other side, what's feminism or women empowerment for you?

[True feminism] is about using our feminine gifts and particular talents to “bring life” (literally and figuratively) into a broken world.

Patricia: True feminism for me is truly understanding our dignity and unique inherent qualities as women—embracing our feminine gifts and celebrating our womanhood.

Pam: It's understanding who you are as a created being and embracing all of it. It's knowing that your value doesn't come from what the world says but from the Creator who delights in you and renews you each day. It's also letting other women know of this truth and encouraging that in them. I really feel that a woman is most empowered when she empowers other women. Also, the feminine genius is real and it would be so cool if we actually discover and live it each day. I'm nowhere near all of this by the way, so I really pray to God to help me to grow more into it.

Pat: For me it is about understanding and finding peace and joy in God’s design for us as women, no matter how different it is from popular culture. It is about using our feminine gifts and particular talents to “bring life” (literally and figuratively) into a broken world. Each one of us has a unique mission, and if we “become who we are created to be, we will set the world on fire.” That’s St. Catherine of Sienna.

About the Author

Beverly Dalton works for a Catholic psychology center, helping out with research studies and programs. She is also a shop girl for a flower store in Manila. When she is not busy, she occasionally finds leisure and relaxation in reading, cooking, and soap-making with a side of coffee.